The Aberdeen Poem (old)

Im Bored!


Alastair/Paddy, while your away travelling and living the dream.

Im stuck sad, lonely and shivering in Aber’pissing’deen.

Its wet, windy and painfully grey.

Theres a mind numbing monotony day after day.

You may ask why its so bad its making me curse.

Especially when theres people going through worse?


Do you remember the king street Tesco Express?

“Next please, would you like a bag, do you have a clubcard”

Shut up you fat, ginger, jewish looking mess!

After 5 years I cant cope with his pish.

Even worse, you walk out and King Streets reeking of fish.

Then theres the King street lady, “Oi pal, look i winnie cause a fuss”

“I just need 20p change for the the bus?”

Needless to say i give her the money.

Because in Aberdeen, shes a highstreet honey!!!


Then theres the seagulls, their from another Planet.

Sadly another Aberdeen trademark, just like the Granite.

They will nab your subway and keep you up all night.

“Oh i feel rain?” no thats a seagull, its just done a shite!

You may say enthusiasm will yeild happiness and fun.

Not in Aberdeen, hand me the gun!!


But of course its still prosperous due to all the money in oil.

However, when you approach a woman you tend to recoil!

“Can a barra some money min, your looking affa sauve?”

Oh aye, did i forget to mention the homeless junkie chavs?

Im maybe going over the top, its not all that bad.

Theres plenty of good times and drinks to be had.


All in all im hopefully over the hump.

I might take up golf, and take on Donald Trumpety, trump trump!!

You miss it a little, im sure you will agree.

And, I trust you will stand free wherever you may be.

“Because we are the famous ABERDEEN”